Interview with a Goddess

Interview with a Goddess

By Han216

(The idea was to make the bitchiest goddess possible. Planned prequel and sequel in the future)

Ladies and Gentle I know we’ve all had an interesting transition over these past weeks to say the least, but today I’m pleased to present the woman of the hour, Miss Mia Powers.

Suddenly a bright light flashes before a silhouette of Tall busty woman appears, as the light vanishes into sparkles around her. She wears a dress of pure white that covers not even half of her thighs. She has gold jewelry, bracelets, and to top it off a Tiara of pure gold. She had medium length black hair and eyes that glowed an unnatural purple. She opened her mouth and began speaking with a voice that seemed to shake the world around her and demanded everyone's attention.

“Listen hear apes, It is not Mia Powers. It is Goddess, Goddess Mia, Mistress, Your Highness, or Master. Anything else and you will be punished. Also You may only address my person when I allow it.”

A man in the audience stood up, “What about My Lady?”, he asked instantly being vaporized. 

“I am not your lady you don't own me, in fact I own everything and you all only live because I allow it. It is those titles and nothing more unless I say so.”, The Goddess replied.

The host chimed in against his better judgement, but he was more scared of not doing anything then leaving it hanging over his head. “On behalf of humanity I apologize for not address you properly Goddess Mia, it won’t happen again.”

She tilted her head. “Fine ape, since you are not a complete dumbass and I did agree to this request to appear here I will let it slide just this once.”

“Th.. Thank you Mistress!”, the man said grateful that it seemed that at least for now his life was spared. 

The Goddess snapped her fingers and suddenly a magnificent throne appeared above the audience with steps made of solid gold leading up to it. She did this entirely as an aesthetic choice as she flew to the top because steps were for peasants. “Now as I have agreed to, you specks may ask me questions and I will answer them.”

Hands all raised, but after what happened to the first man no one dared speak their question out loud. The Goddess grew tired and pointed to the host. “Loser host please make your dumbass useful and pick from the mob, while I do have all the time I could ever need I’m not going to give these shits the pleasure of me acknowledging their pathetic existences.

He got out of his chair and brought a mic over as quick as possible and choose a man at random. “Um Hello Goddess, I was wondering if you could tell us how this happened. You know you becoming a Goddess and all.”
“I did not become a Goddess I was always this way, though I didn’t tap into my unlimited powers until a few years ago. If you have to ask why me, first off you’re just a fucking hater that doesn’t know who your betters are, and second I was chosen by the omniverse at its inception, but it took many billions of years to actually allow my presence without collapsing in its entirety. Now Next question.”

The host picked a woman, “If you’re a Goddess then I have to ask can you make something so heavy you can’t lift it.”

“Yes, but also I can lift it.”

“That doesn’t make any…”

“Next question”, the Goddess said.

The host picked a man, “Are you the only Goddess and if so why would you allow man to follow other religions?”

“Yes I am alone, if there were other gods I’d show them and make them my bitches. As to your other question, why the fuck should I care what dirt does, it’s so fucking beneath me to care. That said you piss me off and I’ll have no problem taking your bitch ass out. Next Question.”

He picked a woman, “Do you have to curse so much, think of the children?”

“Fuck the children and fuck you. Fucking children are fucking going to learn about fucking curse words any-fucking-way, so who gives a fuck bitch. Next Goddamn motherfucking bitchass question.”

The host moved and that woman fled the room immediately. The Goddess ensured that the woman's future children would curse all the time, in fact there first words would be calling their mother a bitch. She did this with nothing but a thought. The host picked a man. “Are you seeing anyone?”

“I see everyone and everything all the time, nothing and no one impresses me, so go cry your asses to sleep if anyone thought they had a chance with my sexy ass. Next Question.”

He picked a man in what looked like a priests outfit, “Mistress I must ask is it possible for your person to dress less scandalously and to make your bust not quite as pronounced, pardon my language.

“I will dress as I damn well please, and just because you said that I’ma make them bigger.” She snapped her fingers and her breast grew out adding at least another foot of cleavage, now covering nearly her entire upper body. “Next question.”

He picked another man, “I have to ask what happens when we die?”

“You stay fucking dead, that’s how dying works, Next question.”

“I.. do you know, have you checked.”, he asked immediately fearing his question would be answered the hard way.

“Yes I can get the answer without even thinking about it, but seriously I’m not gonna fucking die, so why should I care. Leave now and never be in my presence again.”

“Thank you Goddess”, he said on his hands and knees before immediately running out of the building.”

(The Goddess has decreed that you are to useless, pathetic, and undeserving to read this part.)

Another man was chosen by the host, “What are tonight's winning lottery numbers?”

“I don’t fucking care about money, I already own and can get everything and anything, Your luck however is looking like it’s gonna be bad for the next several months, Next Question”

He chose a woman, “How is your sex life I must ask, a powerful woman like you must be able to get anyone she wants? I imagine it’s pretty hard to please you as well.”

“Hey I can stop filling pocket dimensions with my infinite super-speed clone sexcapes when ever I feel like it, I just don’t feel like quitting anytime this eon. I don’t have a fucking problem, you’re the one with the problem. She paused, recomposed her self then calmly asked. “Uh Next Question”

He picked a man, “I have to ask was Cleopatra and Helen of Troy as beautiful as they say?”

“Is that really all you fucking care about powerful woman?”

The man was getting worked up, “I.. no.. not at all this is just for the historical records and…”

“I break records all the damn time, hell I can break all my own records and infinite amount of times, records are meaningless. Next question.”

He picked a woman, “Is it possible to time travel?”

“Yes it is and before anyone makes the dumbass decision to try, unless you are me you get wiped from history, no change is made unless it’s by me, and even if I went back and killed myself I’d still be alive, because time is a concept for insects like you. Next Question.”

A woman was chosen, “Could you please save the animals or stop the crisis we face as humans?”

“Could I and would I are two different questions. Yes I could but frankly you’re all endangered animals to me and I don’t give a fuck about animals. Next question.”

A man was chosen, “Does Alien life exist?”

“All life is insignificant to me, I’m fucking better than anything on or off this planet. Next Question.”

Another nervous man was chosen, “Does absolute power corrupt absolutely?”

“Oh for fuck’s sake I’m fucking going to get rid of whatever pussy ass bitch thought of that dumbass line and show him who's boss. Absolute power doesn’t corrupt me or any of that dumb shit, great responsibility is a fucking dumb line too. Power is fucking awesome and the only thing it does is make me so fucking horny thinking about how worthless you all are. Fucking Next Question.”

Another man was chosen, “Ma'am people are worried you could destroy all of creation at any moment.”

"Hey I always put it back the way it was and... Wait you all aren't supposed to know that.” She casually waves her hand everyone everywhere or when forgets what she just said and just for good measure she casually sewed the time stream together to avoid anyone stumbling upon that moment. Everything besides Goddess Mia felt a sense of vertigo, but the host just moved on to the next person.

“Your Highness, the ruler of us all, Goddess Mia, what can we the undeserving do to please you?”

“Please me? There’s nothing pleasing about trash, the fact that I interact with your termite ass and this worthless species or any randomly chosen marble in existence is at best out of fucking pity. Except I can’t even say that because that would require some amount of sadness. Frankly I’m done here, Loser host, please end this show, I’m done humoring the riff raff.”

“Ye..Yes Your Majesty. This ends the show, Let’s all be glad that the most high allowed not only her presence on this show, but also for sparing us, useless as we are.

With that Mia disappeared in a burst of light, going wherever she pleases and…

“W..Wait My Goddess.”

“Really you fucking dumbass writer. You went the entire story without fucking it up after I told everyone what to call me, but your pathetic ass fucked it up at the end. Get the fuck out.”

“Wait… please I don’t want to.. Give me a second chance and I’ll…..”

“Fucking useless, anyway the rest of you lot better fucking remember what the fuck I told you. You’re fucking less than my play things. I can do a fucking infinite amount of things at one time, try to keep Me Fucking You Up from being one.”


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