(Here's a story that was commissioned of me from Akane. I hope you enjoy it, friends!)
“Live from the town of Piety, Virginia, this is MSNBC reporting. We are here today to interview members of this rural, backwater town in their desires to have the Catholic Church officially canonize one of the members of this town, a Ms. Christine Murdock, as a Saint.” The interviewer, who seemed more than a bit annoyed at being forced to do an interview this moronic, had several members of the town of Piety nearby him. Each one of these individuals were fine Christians, and they seemed to be in a perfectly lucid state of mind.
Turning to one of them, the interviewer decided to ask, “So then, your entire town seem very convinced that Ms. Murdock should be considered a Saint. Is there any particular reason why you want her to be canonized, or might this all be some sort of hoax?”
The person being interviewed tilted his head. “I don’t see why you need to be so aggressive in your questioning good sir, but as a good Christian I’m going to simply answer your quest. Christine has phenomenal powers, she’s performed genuine miracles that any good Christian in this town can see comes from a special connection with God. I could not call myself a Christian if I simply ignored the fact that someone in this very town possesses gifts from the Lord. If He chose to give Christine His power, it’s only right that she be recognized for her status.”
“And…how are you so certain that she’s not simply fooling you? Couldn’t her miracles be staged and this whole ‘connection with God’ thing a farce? It’s honestly quite unbelievable that someone could have such powers without it being faked.” The interviewer was annoyed that such an uneducated hick could genuinely believe that miraculous powers and a connection to God exists.
“From the sounds of things you’ve never seen Christine in action then. I’ve seen her bring back the dead, fix things without even touching them, healing the sick and the injured with just a touch, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Fact is, Christine very much has impossible powers that could only be attributed to a special connection to God.” The townsman shrugged as he continued, “If you really don’t believe me, you’re free to find Christine and witness her power for yourself.”
“I strongly doubt that the powers you list actually exist, but very well, if it will get you to accept that your uneducated beliefs are just that, I suppose I can take time out of my life to witness these so-called ‘miracles’ myself.” The interviewer turned to face the cameraman. “You heard it here first, folks, the people of Piety, Virginia seem to believe that one of their own should be given sainthood for powers that she may or may not possess. We will be covering the rest of these events in a documentary.” With that, the cameras stopped rolling and the interviewer huffed. “Can’t believe I’m getting sent here to the middle of nowhere to interview a bunch of uneducated hicks.”
A few hours passed as the various members of American families went about their daily lives. However, soon enough, there was a documentary, already compiled and edited, being broadcast to other Americans within the country about Christine. The first thing that was shown was, of course, Christine herself. Despite the fact that she was being considered for sainthood by a town that had a lot of conservative Christians in it, Christine didn’t wear an outfit one would typically associate with such puritans.
Her outfit consisted of a white shirt that exposed her midriff and drew attention towards her very sizable chest, as well as black booty shorts. With her hairstyle consisting of long brown hair, styled in a fashion that it covered her right eye, Christine was an extremely pretty woman, someone who looked almost too pretty to be real. Her earrings were also shaped like crosses, perhaps as a sign of devotion to God. Despite her revealing outfit, nobody who watched the documentary felt any desire to comment on the outfit in a negative way, as if something was preventing them from actually thinking ill of Christine in such an outfit.
“Christine Murdock is a woman from a small-name town in Virginia,” the narrator of the documentary began. “Most people within her hometown claim Christine to be given power from God, but are they telling the truth, or is Christine attempting to pull the wool over everyone’s eyes? We decided to investigate these claims of supposed divine power and observed Christine enacting her supposed miracles. This is what we found.”
The documentary cut to Christine with a line of individuals coming up to her. These people were variously disabled in some fashion or another, be blind, deaf, or other physical disabilities. Christine smiled at the first person in line. “Thank you for coming here, friend.” Christine hugged the blind man, and as she did so, the man blinked a few times, taking his sunglasses off.
“I…I can’t believe it. I can see!” the man shouted. “Praise the Lord! Thank you, Christine, you’re everything that everyone has said you to be!”
Christine blushed at the praise. “Please, I’m simply grateful to be able to help you, being God’s vessel to bring love and peace to this world. There’s no need for you to praise me, specifically, when it’s God’s power that granted you sight once more.”
The man nodded. “I…suppose that’s not exactly the worst way to put it. Still, I’ll make certain you’re recognized as a Saint for what you’ve done, my friend!”
The same pattern continued, with whoever Christine hugged mysteriously being cured of whatever illness they were struck with. It didn’t matter if they were blind, deaf, or paraplegic, Christine’s hugs mysteriously cured the individual of whatever they suffered from. The narrator of the documentary continued onwards. “These claims of Christine’s mysterious powers, from what we have seen, largely seem to be staged events, no doubt involving paid actors to help Christine look far more important than she actually is.”
Again the documentary changed the scene, this time to Christine in a hospital. Christine carried with her an acoustic guitar, and around her were various children afflicted with various terminal diseases. Christine sat down on a chair and began playing her guitar, singing the song “When God Ran” by Phillips, Craig, and Dean. Her singing voice was downright gorgeous, something that most professional singers would kill to have. As Christine sang, the readings on these terminal kids visibly showed signs of improvement, and the children became visibly healthier. Once Christine was done, another test was run on the children, only to find that each one of the kids were cured of their supposedly terminal illnesses.
Christine smiled as the children swarmed her giving various forms of praise to the one who cured them, as she simply said, “Please, there’s no need to thank me. I am simply doing the work of the Lord, it is He you should be praising for allowing me to channel His power to cure you of what you have been afflicted with. Any good Christian would do the same in my position.”
The documentary changed again to some talking heads. “They honestly think that this Christine person is blessed by God? All of those miracles are clearly faked!”
“I concur, there’s no way that this Christine fellow actually has any powers at all!” another reporter declared. “It’s all a scam to make her seem more important than she actually is!”
The documentary quickly found itself spreading all across America, and the supposed Saint Christine never came to pass. She was made a laughing stock of America, especially among those who were not particularly religious to begin with. The town of Piety, Virginia was considered a home of lunatics and deluded individuals who couldn’t understand a scam when they saw one. However, the actions that transpired in the documentary weren’t considered a joke by everyone in the country.
About a week after the documentary was shown, a knock was heard on the Murdock residence. Mr. and Mrs. Murdock approached the door and opened it, and on the other side was a fairly nondescript journalist. The man wore a simple outfit with no hat on, with simple short brown hair and brown eyes. “Excuse me, is this the Murdock residence?” the journalist asked.
Mr. Murdock had a wary look on his face at this man’s question. “Yes, this is the Murdock Residence. Is there something you need from us?”
The journalist nodded. “Excellent. My name is Miles Johnson, and I’m an independent journalist. I saw the documentary that was shown about your daughter, Christine Murdock. I was quite surprised at what I saw, and I wanted to investigate the matter further. May I come in and speak with your daughter?”
Mrs. Murdock raised an eyebrow at that request. “The last set of journalists that came here made us a laughing stock of the entire country. You’ll forgive us if we’re a little bit wary of letting yet another one see our daughter.”
Miles felt a bit flustered at that comment. “Now see here, I didn’t come here to make fun of your daughter. I simply wanted to-”
“No, Mr. Johnson, I understand what you said before,” Mr. Murdock mentioned, waving off the comment. “However, that doesn’t change the fact that we have become very wary about reporters like you after what happened with our daughter and the last time reporters showed up to investigate our daughter’s powers.”
Before the argument could continue any further, Christine showed up, literally phasing through the wall like it didn’t even exist as she approached this group. “Excuse me, but what might be happening here?” she asked, curiosity apparent in her voice.
Mr. Murdock looked back to Christine. “I’m sorry, Christine, we’ve just got a journalist here who wants to meet you. I’m trying to get him to leave because of what happened last time. We’ve been made enough of a laughing stock of this country already, I don’t want you to go through even more humiliation.”
“It’s alright,” Christine mentioned. “Honestly, I wasn’t all that bothered by what happened. Could you let the journalist in so I can talk with him please?”
Mr. Murdock put a contemplative look on his face. “Hmmm…well, alright, if you’re so certain that it won’t be any trouble for you or for us, I suppose I can let this journalist in to speak with you.” Mr. Murdock turned to face Miles. “Well, I suppose that settles it. Come on in, Mr. Johnson, it seems that our daughter wishes to speak with you after all.”
Miles took a deep breath in appreciation as he entered the household. “Thank you so much for having me here, Mr. and Mrs. Murdock, I promise that you won’t regret this decision!” Miles took a look over to Christine. “And you must be the famous Christine Murdock. Pleasure to meet you! Name’s Miles Johnson, I’m an independent journalist. I saw the documentary on you and I wanted to get to know you a bit more after what I saw.”
Christine closed her eyes and smiled, the act of which was quite soothing for Miles to see. “Of course, I’d be happy to spend some time with you, Mr. Johnson.” Christine opened her eyes. “Come, let’s go to my room. I’m sure that we can have good conversation there too.”
Miles nodded, and when Christine started to move, he only just noticed that Christine wasn’t walking like a normal person. Rather, she was levitating, hovering just a few inches off the ground, seemingly without even the slightest hint of effort. “Do you…normally levitate?” Miles inquired, curious about what he was witnessing at the moment.
Christine looked back at Miles. “Hm? Oh, no, I don’t do that when I’m out in public. But since we’re here in my house, away from everyone else, I don’t think it’s that big of an issue for me to levitate. It’s not like everyone’s watching me here, after all.”
Miles had to do a double-take at that comment. The fact that Christine was fully capable of levitating whenever she wanted with so little effort, and the only reason why she didn’t do it all the time was because she didn’t want to do it out in public. There was definitely more to this woman than the documentary had made it out to be. Unable to really formulate a proper rebuttal to Christine’s comment, Miles simply elected to say, “Yes, I suppose that’s not a bad way to look at things.”
It was weird for Miles to admit to himself, but he couldn’t find fault in Christine’s logic. If people weren’t watching, who cared what she did in private, even if it involved clearly defying the laws of physics? Christine gave another gentle smile towards Miles, which was quite comforting for the man to see. Wordlessly, both of them went off towards Christine’s room, Miles having only grown all the more curious now as to what he might witness around this miraculous woman.
Once the duo reached Christine’s room, the first thing Miles noticed was perhaps the fact that some of the toys in the room were clearly up and walking around, as if they were well and truly alive. Their movements were too natural to simply be the work of automated toys, and several of the toys even smiled and waved at Christine and Miles when they entered. Miles had to once again do a double-take at what he was seeing, since this was even more bizarre than the fact that Christine liked to levitate when not out in public.
As if to confirm this wasn’t a dream, Christine went and grabbed a wind-up toy that was currently not one of the ones walking around. She twisted the key in the back of the toy around a few times, and once she had finished, the toy seemed well and truly alive. It couldn’t have just been sophisticated toys, since the movements these toys showed too full a range of motion for it to simply be excellent craftsmanship.
One of the toys decided to speak to Christine (which only served to further the weirdness in Miles’ mind). “Hey Christine! I see you have a new friend here. Are you going to introduce us to him, or should we wait for him to tell us his name himself?”
Miles’ tongue was tied as he attempted to process the fact that toys were not only alive, but talking like real people. Was this another thing Christine did when she was away from everyone else? If so, how did nobody ever notice her accomplishing such blatant miracles in the documentary? Miles was left with more questions than he actually had answers for at the moment, and he was only snapped back to reality when Christine said, “This is Miles Johnson. He’s a journalist that wanted to get to know me some more.”
The toy looked over to Miles and smiled. “Pleasure to meet ya, Miles. You okay there?” The fact that the toy was directly addressing him managed to get Miles to refocus and actually give an answer to the question that was asked of him.
“Uh…yes, I’m fine. Sorry, this is all quite a lot to take in at once, I didn’t expect Christine’s toys to be alive.” That was one way to put it, Miles supposed, and it was probably the nicer of the options to take with what he could’ve said.
The toy simply laughed off Miles’ confusion. “Yeah, I know, apparently living toys is a weird thing. Christine made us alive early on in her life, and she refused to get rid of us after that happened, since she didn’t feel it right for her to just get rid of some living, breathing toys that she had made. It’s been nice to stay around, I have to admit.”
Christine blushed at the praise that the toy had given her. “Getting rid of you would only be destroying a life, and as a Christian, I cannot accept such an act. Any good Christian in my position would’ve done the same.”
The humility Christine always seemed to display was astonishing for Miles, but he was slowly starting to adjust to the weirdness that was going on with Christine now that he was getting exposed to it full-force. Deciding that there was no need to question the fact that Christine had supernatural powers now, it would be better to simply follow her around and see how exactly her powers actually manifested in her everyday life.
As if reading Miles’ mind (and at this point, Miles wouldn’t have been surprised if she did), Christine commented, “Oh right, today’s the day that I work in the soup kitchen. Miles, would you like to come with me so we can help feed the homeless?”
This was certainly one option that Miles had to observe Christine’s actions in public, so he’d be a fool to pass up this opportunity. “Of course I would like to come. There’s a lot about you that I still want to know, so I’d like to spend as much time as I can with you to figure out more about your powers.”
“I’m glad to hear that.” Christine grasped Miles’ hand. “Then let us be off to the soup kitchen.” Suddenly, the scene around Miles seemed to almost dissolve into a black void before it was reconstructed into what was obviously a soup kitchen. Miles simply decided to assume that Christine teleported the two of them over to the soup kitchen, though he had to admit that was not the transition he expected (what transition he was actually expecting, however, was a mystery to him).
Once the initial confusion of the transition passed, and it happened much faster than Miles expected it to at this point, Christine made her way over to the supplies for today’s meals. It seemed that there was some fish soup and chunks of bread rationed out for today’s meals, though there was simply too little to feed all of the homeless before they ran out. Christine tapped the bowls of soup and individual chunks of bread with her finger, each tap causing an identical copy of the food to spawn right next to it. After a few minutes of this process, there was a great deal of the previously-meager portions of food available for all of the homeless.
Soon enough, the homeless began to pour in to get their meals, Christine happily handing out the portions of food to anybody who was present, levitating the food over to them. Despite there being a few dozen homeless to feed, Christine seemed to show no difficulty with coordinating the movements of all of the utensils and preventing them from colliding into anyone, while simultaneously making certain that everyone got the exact portions they needed to get through the day.
As Miles watched, he noticed that a few people had snuck in wine and tobacco to have with their meals. However, before anyone could actually use that stuff, their contents had changed. The wine had become simple water, and the tobacco had become licorice. No doubt Christine had casually rewritten what these things were to keep the health of the people up. Whatever the case may be, Miles found himself questioning whether or not his previously-held convictions of God being merely a figment of people’s imaginations was actually true or not. The more time he spent around Christine, the less believable his stance on God actually appeared to be.
What happened next was even more unbelievable. A man came into the building, carrying what was quite clearly a dead dog, while another carried a radio that seemed to have been smashed into pieces. Miles wasn’t a technician, but he knew the dog was dead due to how it wasn’t moving at all, not even to breathe, and the radio looked like it was broken beyond repair. “Excuse me, but is Christine here?” the man with the dog asked, desperation seeping into his voice as he spoke.
Christine walked over to the two men and smiled. “Here I am! Is there something that you need me to do for you?” Christine looked over the dog and the radio, before she added, “Ah, I see. You wish for me to resurrect your lost pet and fix your radio, yes?”
“Yes ma’am. I…I don’t want to lose my dog this soon. This poor boy’s been through a lot, and he was just too sick. We had to put him down because of how much he was suffering. If you do bring this dog back, could you please make it so that he doesn’t get sick anymore? I don’t want this dog of mine to come back only to continue suffering.” The man with the dog seemed to be fighting back tears at the thought of what happened to his animal companion.
“My radio was smashed by some vagabonds looking to cause trouble. It belonged to my grandpappy, and the technician said there was nothing he could do to fix it.” The man with the radio put the broken pieces of the radio on the floor. “I should hope that, if anyone can fix this old family heirloom of mine, it’d be you.”
Christine smiled and clasped her hands, engaging in prayer. Her lips were moving, and if Miles had to guess, she was praying to God to help these two men out. As she did that, a soft golden light enveloped the dog, while the radio’s pieces began to put themselves back together into a fully-functional (and very vintage now that Miles had a good look at it) one. Once the golden light stopped, the dog stood up and started jumping around, barking in joy. He didn’t seem the least bit sick after what had happened.
Both of the men wept tears of joy at seeing Christine take care of their problems so easily. Miles, for his part, found himself exasperated. Everything he had seen so far was one thing, but bringing back the dead just like that? Maybe there was some truth to this God person after all. The man with the dog picked up his animal, who had begun licking his face and wagging his tail. “Thank you, Christine, I don’t think I can ever repay you for what you’ve done for me today!”
“Really, you don’t need to do anything to thank me.” Christine closed her eyes and tilted her head, putting on that same comforting smile that Miles had seen her wear before. “I’m just doing what God would want any of His followers to do. Please, just focus on having a happy life now that your friend’s back. That’s all I can really ask of you at this point.”
“I…well, alright Christine. Wish there was something I could do for you, but if you’re insistent you want nothing, then I suppose I wouldn’t be a good Christian if I went off and tried to force the topic.” The main pet his dog and hugged him tight. “C’mon, boy, let’s get you back home so you can have a nice meal!”
The man with the radio let out a sigh of relief. “Hopefully I can keep those vagabonds away from my radio next time. Thank you very much, Christine, I can’t be happy enough knowing that someone like you is here to help us all out.”
Once both of the men had left, Christine turned to Miles. “Say, do you want to come with me on a walk through the woods? I could use a nice walk out in the woods now, now that I’ve taken care of the homeless for today.” Miles nodded, unable to find any sort of reason to say no at this point. He simply had to know what else Christine got up to at this point. Once he did, Christine’s smile grew ever brighter as she grabbed Miles’ wrist and started to pull. “Thank you! Let’s get going right away then!”
Once the two of them had reached the woods, Christine seemed to be at ease with herself as she walked through the forest. Miles had to admit to himself, it was nice to enjoy the scenery, away from all of the hustle and bustle of the city. As he followed after Christine, he couldn’t help but notice that there were birds, squirrels, and other small creatures gathering around his companion. Christine had a smile on her face as she began to sing a little tune, her voice being just as beautiful as it was in the documentary.
As she sang, however, the animals around her followed suit, matching her song with their own voices. At this point, Miles was simply dumbstruck by the sheer saccharine imagery he was seeing. He’d place this as being in a children’s movie instead of reality, but here it was, right in front of his face. There was really no further use in denying the subject any longer. Everything Miles saw made it clear that Christine really could perform miracles of all kinds. If God didn’t exist, then how could her powers be so blatantly apparent? And how could the documentary have so easily missed all of these miraculous events?
Miles took a deep breath to collect himself. Once Christine finished her song, he said, “Christine, I never took myself for a praying man, but what you’ve had happen here today was simply beyond miraculous. I really have no other way to say this, but I feel it best for me to become a Christian as well. There’s no possible way I can deny that you have such miraculous powers any longer.”
Christine seemed a bit startled by that response, but it was only visible for the briefest moment, her composure regained as quickly as it had shown up. “Well, God does accept all who convert willingly. However, if I can ask a favor of you, please never repeat what you’ve seen here today with any of your companions. I really, really don’t want there to be more people asking about my powers.”
Miles scratched his head. After all of this, Christine still insisted on hiding who she was? Before Miles could actually say anything, Christine seemed to answer the thought on his mind. “It’s not that I’m ashamed of my powers or anything, but I’m trying to keep my loved ones from going through too much unwanted exposure. That whole documentary was something I set into motion just to get the rumors of my miracles to just disappear completely to keep my loved ones safe. So, now that you’ve seen all of this, can I please ask you to never speak of what’s happened here today with anyone else?”
Miles rolled the words Christine gave him in his head. After everything he had seen today, setting in motion a documentary specifically to make certain that nobody could figure out her powers seemed like the least confusing thing about Christine. Her motives for doing so also made perfect sense to the man, even if he felt like it was silly of her to hide her miraculous abilities. Without any ability to form any sort of objection to the matter, Miles simply shrugged it off. “You have my word, Christine. I’ll keep quiet about this matter for you.”
Christine clasped her hands together and beamed at the response. “Thank you so much, Miles! I’m so happy you were willing to listen to me on this!” The sheer joy in Christine’s response was touching for Miles, as he felt his heart melt at this woman and her sheer boundless love.
A few years passed after Miles first met Christine. During this time, Miles had become a devout Christian, and he and Christine ended up falling in love with each other. Miles was just about ready to propose to Christine and become her husband. When he found his soon-to-be wife, she was helping a member of the town with their truck, which had suffered some serious damage to the suspension. In one hand, Christine was holding the truck, lifting it up high above the ground as the damaged components righted themselves, Christine simply observing what needed to be repaired and the components themselves seemed to fix themselves for her, unwilling to go against Christine’s desires.
Miles approached Christine, holding the wedding ring behind his back. “Hey Christine, do you…have a moment?” he asked, having not felt this nervous before in some time.
Christine looked back at Miles and smiled, her work on the truck continuing even as she looked away. “Of course I can spare time for you, dear! What is it that you want to talk to me about?”
Miles held out the wedding ring. “Christine, you’ve made me the happiest man I could possibly be. I don’t think that anyone else is right for me but you, so I’d like to ask you to be my wife. Are you willing to marry me?”
Christine beamed at the thought. “Yes, of course I’m willing to marry you!” she answered, gently putting down the truck now that her work was completed. She ran over to Miles and hugged him tight. “I’d be happy to be your wife!”
Miles let out a sigh of relief at this response. “I see…then...do you think you’re ready for us to have a child together?” They weren’t married, yet, but now that they were engaged, Miles knew the possibility was on the table.
Christine stroked the back of Miles’ head. “Of course I’d be happy to have your child. Let’s not waste time then!” Another familiar sensation of teleportation occurred as Miles and Christine found themselves in her room again, both of their sets of clothes dissolving off of their bodies as if they didn’t even exist in the first place. “Come then, dear, let’s have us a child!”
Even though they were having sex solely for the purpose of procreation, on top of simply doing it in missionary position, and even though Christine was technically a virgin, the sex was more incredible than anything that Miles had ever experienced in his life. Once they had finished, and Miles lay in bed next to Christine, a thought occurred to him, one that he had to admit he was grappling with for some time now. “Say, Christine…I’ve been meaning to ask something.”
“What would you like to know, dear?” Christine had on a comforting gaze towards Miles, her sizable tits and perfectly-shaped body almost distracting Miles to the point where he forgot the question he was going to ask.
Once he managed to focus on Christine’s face again, Miles asked, “Do you think you’re just working for God, or…might you actually be God? I can’t help but think that maybe you really are God Herself taken form, given everything that you’re capable of doing.”
Christine blushed and looked away for a moment. “Who knows?” If that didn’t confirm what Miles thought was true, he didn’t know what was. Christine then rubbed her stomach in thought. “But…I guess if I am God, that’d mean our child has the possibility to be the next Jesus Christ, yeah?” Letting out a light chuckle, Christine added, “Yeah…that’d be nice.”
And here is where the story of St. Christine ends. There are many things one could try to take away from this story, but if there were one that I would name above all, it’d be as follows: Do not simply write off the people who seem to be said to do impossible things. There may yet be truth behind those rumors after all, as every rumor started from something that held a kernel of truth in it. The trick is to tell the difference between what is real and what has simply been exaggerated beyond reason.